Basic Fear: Of pain and deprivation; of missing out on pleasure (i.e., “the best life has to offer”)
Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content; to enjoy life fully
(Damaging) Self-Image: You need specific experiences, objects, or possessions to feel fulfilled.
Level 1: Level of Liberation
Behaviors (outer): satisfied, content, ecstatic, nourished, spiritual, truly free
Attitudes (inner): appreciative, assimilating, receptive, grateful, savoring, bountiful
Self-Actualization: Let go of your identification with a particular self-image, that you require specific experiences and objects to feel fulfilled.
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: Of pain and deprivation. You begin to fear, be it ever so subtle, that you are missing out on everything life has to offer. You may not consciously think the “grass is greener on the other side” yet, but you begin to look if others are having a better time than you.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: N/A
Level 2: Level of Psychological Capacity
Behaviors (outer): enthusiastic, free-spirited, spontaneous, cheerful, eager, outgoing, adventurous, energetic
Attitudes (inner): anticipating, excitable, stimulated, responsive, quick, avid, resilient, positive, optimistic
Desires (why do you act and think these ways): To have your needs fulfilled, believing that is the key to satisfaction and contentment
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: You start to be wary that your freedom and happiness will be lost, or at least have limits. You might worry that your needs (and wants – though you can still tell the two apart) won’t be met.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: Work on disambiguating your sense of contentment from the sense of having your needs fulfilled. While it seems to be counterintuitive, your sense of contentment is a mindful choice that you can make in any situation. The fulfillment of needs is only about momentary satisfaction.
Level 3: Level of Social Value
Behaviors (outer): productive, practical, accomplished, gregarious, versatile, prolific, entertaining
Attitudes (inner): realistic, self-confident, future-oriented, engaged, passionate, vivacious, bold
Desires (why do you act and think these ways): To do those things that will ensure you will have what you need/want (and it may start getting harder to tell those two apart).
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: You begin to feel the pangs of FOMO (“fear of missing out”). You begin to feel that what you have isn’t enough. The satisfaction of the present starts to pale in comparison to whatever is “next” or “new.”
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: It may seem like the step you need to take is to go out and find a way to meet your needs, but that constant, frenetic search is actually the trap. Instead, work on learning to simply be. Investigate a mindfulness or meditation practice.
Level 4: Level of Imbalance
Behaviors (outer): consuming, seeking variety, experiencing, occupied, busy, dilettantish, stylish, talkative
Attitudes (inner): acquisitive, keep options open, pleasure-oriented, appetitive, materialistic, worldly-wise, trendy, sensation-seeking
Desire (why do you act and think these ways): To increase the number of sources and intensity of stimulation (i.e., make sure that you always have something to do)
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: You start to fear that you will be frustrated and that negative feelings will dampen your positivity. Also, the specter of boredom may begin to loom at the margins of your thinking. You will likely be willing to do a lot of things to avoid being bored.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: Continue the progression toward health mentioned under Level 3, by making peace with “being bored.” It seems much scarier than it really is (and it also helps to label it as “boredom” rather than some label that seems more vital or grandiose). Plan specific time to do “nothing,” and actually do nothing. Be alone with your thoughts. Stare at the wall. Forego entertainment of any type. Building toleration for boredom is a great key for you to be able to work up through the levels of health.
Level 5: Level of Interpersonal Control
Behaviors (outer): hyperactive, attention-grabbing, superficial, scattered, outspoken, outrageous, exaggerating
Attitudes (inner): uninhibited, indiscriminate, thrill-seeking, irreverent, distractible, restless, tangential
Desires (why do you act and think these ways): To keep yourself excited, or at least occupied. You start feeling the need to stay “up,” and it becomes more of a defined goal to do so
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: You begin to fear that your current environment or situation will not provide you with what you want (no longer able to tell apart easily “needs” from “wants”). You may be sorely tempted to find a new scene (job, relationship, place to live, etc.) that you think will provide more “juice” for you.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: As you are faced with a growing desperation to stay “up,” make the counterintuitive move by not running away from being “down.” You don’t need to run away from sadness, just like you don’t need to run away from boredom. Feel the full range of your feelings, not just the good stuff.
Level 6: Level of Overcompensation
Behaviors (outer): excessive, demanding, pushy, insensitive, wasteful, addictive, cavalier
Attitudes (inner): self-centered, dissatisfied, jaded, callous, greedy, hardened, denying guilt
Desires (why do you act and think these ways): To get whatever you want immediately (“instant gratification”)
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: You may have the first flicker of fear that your actions are causing you pain and unhappiness. Your focus has likely been completely outward up to this point, so any inward look may elicit fearful feelings.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: At this level, you will have a tendency to interpret any need to “wait” with “no.” Practice delayed gratification in any areas that you can. Notice that anticipation can often make an experience much sweeter than getting what you want instantly (and, at this level, you are likely to have “amnesia” about any good thing once it has happened anyway). Also, while you are delaying gratification, try doing something for others – not so they will be a source of new experiences for you but so you can be a help to them. Offer to do the “boring” stuff too. Wash the dishes, do the taxes, pick up the groceries or dry cleaning.
Level 7: Level of Violation
Behaviors (outer): escaping, dissipated, abusive, rude, infantile, debauched, corrupting
Attitudes (inner): insatiable, impulsive, irresponsible, extremely anxious, bitter, joyless
Desires (why do you act and think these ways): To avoid pain and anxiety at any cost (“Consequences be damned.”)
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: You begin to go numb to all of the endless and instant pleasures that you have been plying yourself with. This numbness brings up a new fear – that you are losing the capacity for pleasure or any feeling. If left unchecked, this fear can lead to a knee-jerk reaction to super-charge your consumption of pleasures, kicking you down the levels even further.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: Don’t avoid your anxiety through distraction. Face it head-on. Go to therapy. If you were able to build a meditation practice at Level 3-6, add in specific exercises to help you manage the physical aspects of anxiety. Most of all, don’t ignore or try to out-run how you feel.
Level 8: Level of Delusion and Compulsion
Behaviors (outer): reckless, erratic, unstable, unpredictable, out of control, sadomasochistic
Attitudes (inner): manic-depressive, acting-out, hysterical, heedless, death defying, “numb”
Desires (why do you act and think these ways): (In desperation) To do anything in order to feel something.
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: You are becoming afraid that the frenetic pace, endless variety, and growing dissipation have irreparably ruined your life. What will you do if there is no way back?
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: The only pathway forward at this point is to slow down, not speed up, and face the issues and consequences. Get help. Go to (residential) therapy.
Level 9: Level of Pathological Destructiveness
Behaviors (outer): paralyzed, burned out, tortured, wrecked, debilitated
Attitudes (inner): overwhelmed, panic-stricken, claustrophobic, overloaded, trapped
Desires (why do you act and think these ways): To simply give up the struggle – to not go on anymore
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: N/A. The basic fear is realized. You are in pain and deprivation through your own actions. You are not satisfied or happy.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: No easy move. Go to (residential) therapy. Begin to work back by acknowledging the lie that started the whole process. It is a lie that you need specific experiences or objects to feel fulfilled. More stuff or adventures will not lead to contentment; in fact, the search has lead you squarely in the opposite direction.