Basic Fear: Of loss and separation (impermanence); being forgotten
Basic Desire: To have inner stability (“peace of mind”)
(Damaging) Self-Image: Your participation in the world is unimportant.
Level 1: Level of Liberation
Behaviors (outer): indomitable, all-embracing, self-determining, independent, connected, dynamic
Attitudes (inner): “present”, self-aware, awake, alert, serene, exuberant
Self-Actualization: Let go of your identification with a particular self-image, that your participation in the world is unimportant
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: Of loss and separation (impermanence); being forgotten. You may feel the first stirrings of these fears as the passing inclination to just “blend in” because no one really cares anyway. Optimism, “sunny” perspectives, and gentle ideologies may become attractive.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: N/A
Level 2: Level of Psychological Capacity
Behaviors (outer): peaceful, relaxed, steady, stable, kind, gentle, natural, sensual, easygoing
Attitudes (inner): unselfconscious, receptive, optimistic, humble, guileless, contemplative, impressionable
Desires (why do you act and think these ways): To have inner stability (“peace of mind”)
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: Losing your peace of mind. You have to deny any loss of “peace of mind” in order to maintain self-image. You may begin telling yourself that your desires and needs can be postponed for more “pressing” matters (which may often be code for the desires and needs of the people around you). Optimism may begin to lead to dreamy idealism, and you may begin to interact more with your imagined “ideal” than the actual person or situation.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: Let go of “peace of mind.” It’s not an object you can hold onto. Let situations and people affect you. This and other idealizations are your real enemy; they keep you in your imagination and away from reality. You can’t always control your inner world, and that’s okay. Also, bottling up your own desires, thoughts, needs, and opinions won’t really help others either – see that impulse as a lie: the lie that you can control the inner world of others (and that doing so would stabilize your own inner world).
Level 3: Level of Social Value
Behaviors (outer): comforting, mediating, supportive, healing, reconciling, levelheaded, synthesizing, imaginative
Attitudes (inner): unselfish, inclusive, patient, forgiving, steadfast, uncritical, “balanced,” unpretentious
Desires (why do you act and think these ways): To create and maintain peace and harmony in your environment
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: Of conflicts (internal and external). Your “concern” (because “fear” sounds too extreme) for maintaining peace of mind intensifies to the point that any conflict seems to threaten that tenuous balance. Anxiety and somatization may begin at this level.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: Do not try to control your environment. It is only an illusion that you can control the environment anyway. You can only control your response to the environment. Equanimity is a quality that you can build within yourself and bring as a response to your environment. It is not a quality within the environment itself, no matter how much that seems to be true.
Level 4: Level of Imbalance
Behaviors (outer): agreeable, compliant, conventional, philosophizing, respectable, pleasant, “fitting in”
Attitudes (inner): self-effacing, accommodating, idealizing others, sentimental, discounting self, simplifying, unquestioning
Desire (why do you act and think these ways): To avoid conflicts (acquiesce to others and “everyone will be happy”)
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: Any significant changes/disruptions in your environment will disturb the tenuous “peace” you’ve achieved. This fear may manifest as a form of generalized anxiety that is quickly stuffed away from your conscious mind, showing up as somatization instead. This fear is often couched within the appearance of “acceptance.” Your expression of “Oh, well,” along with shrugging your shoulders is the physical manifestation of the fear that any “disruption” you could cause by voicing your own needs is simply not loud enough to get anyone else’s attention.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: Do not avoid conflict. Conflicts (internal and external) are necessary in order to grow. The tenuous “peace” is one more idealistic illusion, keeping you “asleep” to reality. Resist the urge to “eat” your feelings and trudge stoically through life. Say something. Write it down and read it, if that helps. At all costs, verbalize.
Level 5: Level of Interpersonal Control
Behaviors (outer): complacent, comfort-seeking, habitual, woolgathering, busywork, “autopilot,” into routines, puttering
Attitudes (inner): disengaged, selective attention, passive-aggressive, unresponsive, stoical, resistant, unreflective, beliefs as defense
Desires (why do you act and think these ways): To maintain things as they are – to be undisturbed (out of the “rat race” of life)
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: You become anxious about ever leaving your comfortable patterns. You don’t want to have to “exert” yourself to respond to the vicissitudes of everyday life that get everyone else worked up. Oddly, while everyone around you may see you as an ocean of calm, it is likely that you are feeling quite a bit of anxiety by this level. Unconsciously, you may sense and fear that you are starting to slip away from reality into a hazy world of idealistic imagination, but you are becoming less and less able to admit it.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: Your routines, which seem so comforting (safe), are actually hurting you. Get out of routines and planning. Respond completely to the present moment. Make BIG changes (that have real consequences). Practice writing out worst-case scenarios and best-case scenarios in order to focus your view to see that reality lives in the middle somewhere. Beware of your dreamy, idealistic imagination; it’s a trap to live there.
Level 6: Level of Overcompensation
Behaviors (outer): appeasing, sins of omission, deflecting, suppressive, dismissing, “killing time,” stubborn
Attitudes (inner): resigned, minimizing, unrealistic, indifferent, wishful thinking, suppressing anger, apathetic, “peace at any price”
Desires (why do you act and think these ways): To downplay the importance of problems in your world
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: You fear that reality will force you to deal with your problems – that ignoring and avoiding will cease to be effective defense mechanisms. Reality itself seems to be the enemy, but your dreamy idealizations are disconnecting you further. You are drifting into inaction and listless inertia. Meanwhile, you are making the “choiceless” decisions that make you want to deal with reality even less. It’s a vicious cycle.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: Don’t ignore problems. Break the problems down into smaller chunks and begin to take action. Take small steps, if needed, but ACT! Do something.
Level 7: Level of Violation
Behaviors (outer): neglectful, irresponsible, ineffectual, low-energy, addictive, “doormats,” listless, dependent
Attitudes (inner): repressed, unavailable, obstinate, stonewalling, willfully blind, depressed, feel powerless
Desires (why do you act and think these ways): To defend your illusion that everything is okay
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: Of acknowledging reality at all. Specifically, you fear that you have played a role in creating your problems. That’s the true reality that all of the dreamy, idealistic imaginings have been distracting you from, as you have drifted down the levels.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: Don’t downplay the importance of problems. Write down what you think the problem is. Then, what would be the problem if it were twice as bad? Get someone to tell you honestly what the problems are. Go to therapy. But, do not use the therapeutic talking process be an excuse for more inaction. You are the only one who can wake yourself up. No one else will do it for you.
Level 8: Level of Delusion and Compulsion
Behaviors (outer): disoriented, “shut down,” helpless, depersonalized, amnesiac
Attitudes (inner): dissociating, complete denial, affectless, desolate, numb, “lost”
Desires (why do you act and think these ways): To block out of awareness anything that could affect you
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: You begin to fear reality itself – that what you have done has real consequences that cannot be undone.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: Acknowledge your reality. Articulate your problems and phrase them in ways that you take responsibility for all of the choices, even if you don’t believe that’s true. Go to therapy. ACT.
Level 9: Level of Pathological Destructiveness
Behaviors (outer): “Disappearing”, empty shells, fragmenting, wasted, inert, subpersonalities
Attitudes (inner): self-abandoning, catatonic, shattered, devastated, vacant
Desires (why do you act and think these ways): To eliminate your awareness entirely (save your illusions rather than yourself)
The Fear that will kick you down to a less healthy level: N/A. The basic fear is realized. You have become completely separate from others and lost…even to yourself. Choosing against the “pains” of reality has finally untethered you fully to roam in your dreams. Sadly, there is no “you” left to enjoy it.
The Counterintuitive truth that you have to face to move to a healthier level: No easy move. Go to (residential) therapy. Begin to work back by acknowledging the lie that started the whole process. It is a lie that your participation in the world is unimportant. You, not someone like you, you are needed right here, right now…in the real world. No matter how disappointing this reality may be; it’s still the only one where you can get a decent cup of coffee. So, wake up!